A Successful Evening

A few post back, I think it was the "what have you learned..." post I mention my conversation with my friend Mo about Paul and me and how I have been chicken to fully involve him in my dance life. It is a scary thing for me, opening myself up completely. Dance is so close to me, while I don't want to be DEFINED by dance, it is so much of who I am that sometimes it becomes challenging to separate. Involving my significant other in my dance world, to me, means there is no turning back. I haven't honestly done such a thing since I have fully chosen this path in life. I haven't invited a boyfriend into the crazy dance world, nor have I wanted to. Maybe I am just greedy and selfish but it is MY world, so involving a boyfriend in it, I thought, took it away from being MINE.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, Paul called me out on my lack of involving him. It was after we both had kind of an off week and while we weren't fighting we weren't as lovey dovey as normal nor did we really want to talk much to each other (don't worry it was just a few off days). I told him of an event happening in SF that Sat night that he might be interested in and he responded along the terms of, "oh we have seen it before, lets do something else." I quickly had to inform him that I actually already had plans for Saturday night as our intern at DG had his first professional show and gave me a ticket to it. Paul's response shocked me and also made me realize how invested we really are in each others lives. He basically informed me that if we are going to continue dating, I need to start involving him in my dance/professional life more often and that he WANTS to be apart of it. My heart melt.

While I was still nervous and I am pretty sure I asked about 50 times if he "was SURE" he wanted to come he over and over again reassured me that he did, and boy did he fit in. Paul shocked me like he has never shocked me before. I had apologized after the show because I felt like I really needed to stay and talk to those I knew and he told me to "go, do your thing." I kinda assumed that it meant "go and I will go out and have a cigarette and meet you outside," OR "go, I will wait for you over on this wall." Now I know he is cute and charming and melts peoples hearts pretty quickly (and easily) but he was so much more than that. He was invested. While I went to mingle, so did he. Unlike some who shy away from approaching conversation, he jumped right in. He didn't need me to introduce him, he didn't need me to lead him, he just went and chit chatted with dancers he had never met before. He went up to Eric (the choreographer) and even offered him feedback (PS this was maybe his 3rd modern dance show ever), he mingled with all the dancers, and never once did he come across bored or uninterested. It was perfect, better then I could have ever imagined.

After the show my co-worker, Kegan, Paul and I went to a near by bar to play some pool and hang out. Kegan asked Paul what he thought and rather than saying "it was good," or "fine" or whatever lame response one may give after seeing something unfamiliar, Paul tried to be insightful. He said what he liked and didn't like, and ended saying that he is excited for more.

Wow.

That is really all I can say. I was blown away by his support and enthusiasm to the whole evening and I am truly honored to have him in my life. I realize now that I had nothing, absolutely nothing to be afraid of!

Homecooking

Paul and I must be an old couple. How many mid 20 year olds do you know who would rather spend a quite Friday inside together vs going out on the town? This past Friday we both felt so tired and like we needed to just be together but without the crowds so Paul came over and we made a big delicious dinner together. Paul had never seen lasagna being made so I made a homemade lasagna (homemade sauce went in it by the way!) and he made a Cuban Salad!

We were both so hungry by the time it was done that the pictures aren't very great but it was amazing so I quickly took a few snap shots that I thought I would share :)

Lasagna before it went into the oven!

My very hungry boy!

Cuban Salad

Cuban Salad 2

Eating our salad while the lasagna sat for a few minutes

Finished Lasagna Yumm!

Had to have Garlic bread with it!

You can see the steam rising from it! It was delicious and once we were done we ended up falling asleep before we could even put a movie in!! We may be like an old couple, but we sure did have a nice quiet evening home. And honestly being in the kitchen is one of my favorite things to do with Paul!

Day 30- Your favorite song

I have too many songs that I love- from Musical Theater to Pop- I will write one thing and then wish I wrote something else but the first thing that came to my mind and the song that is my ring tone and a go to make me feel better song would have to be...

Don't Stop Believing - Journey

Kinda embarrassing, I know, Paul makes fun of me because its such a "white" song. But I will not deny that I love Love LOVE the song!

Again I have so many songs I love, but the top of my head right here, right now I will go with that!

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

I have been thinking about this one a lot actually. I wish that the saying "you learn something new everyday" truly applied to me and that I had a list of 30 things to share with you...but not sure I am there...But I will ramble off plenty of random things for you.

1. I am the strongest I have ever been (I can lift men above my head, with their help with a jump of course) and I shouldn't be afraid about my once broken ribs.

2. I like baseball way more than I ever thought I would

3. Mad Men is one brilliant TV show!

4. I miss choreographing & performing MY work

5. I love spending a quite evening at home making a big delicious dinner with my boyfriend. It is way better than going out to eat in my book.

6. I have little patients for those who create drama and stress for themselves and then complain about it.

7. I miss my friends and family from the midwest (I always know this but I have been reminded just how much this past month)

8. I have an itch to look into grad schools (even though I don't plan to attend for awhile still)

9. I really do love writing

10. A good friend in SF recently reminded me not to lose myself in my work, boyfriend, dance, and volunteering. Not really something I "learned" but an amazing reminder. She reminded me how easy it is to get trapped in other people's worlds (especially talking about Paul since we are both so different) but the friendly reminder to stay true to myself was great to hear and while I don't think I lost myself, it also pushed me to also remind Paul to be involved with my interests too, not just me being involved in his. This is a much longer lesson, but I think I often fear welcoming others into my crazy artist life and so I adapt to theirs. An artist gets rejected enough, getting rejected from people we really care about it hard. This is not to say that Paul would reject my passion, my work, my life, but I have found its been nice to not have him as involved in it but now may be the time to not throw him in full force but to encourage him to enter in more often. If I don't open that part of me up to him, how will he ever truly know me completely right?

day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?

September 2009

August 2010

I tried to take 2 pictures that were as close as a year apart as possible. Besides my long hair being buzzed off (and now growing back out), and broken ribs not being broken anymore, not too much has changed. When I broke my ribs I gained some weight but I am back down to a smaller size then I was before I broke my ribs and stronger than I have ever been! I buzzed my hair off in Dec and then again in May which was one of the most liberating things. To have barley any hair is so amazing. I didn't realize how much time I would spend each day on trying to "fix" my wavy/curly hair and to really not have any was so freeing (I HIGHLY recommend all women try it! Free yourself from your hair!) umm..I moved to a great apartment. I have Finally allowed myself to commit to a relationship. And I am still a work-aholoic! I think the thing that has changed the most over the past year though is my sense of time. I never use to take time. I always wanted to go, go go, push hard and never rest. Recently I realized how unhealthy that was for me and through the year I have really started to allow myself to relax, to enjoy a social life and to not work myself into the ground. While my rib injury at the time was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with, this past year has been a year full of learning, growth, and improvement. I feel stronger, healthier and happier then I thought was possible. The negative of the year, I miss home. I love living in California but moments like last night when I had to spend $420 for a plane ticket home for Christmas, kinda killed me. The astronomical cost to go see my loved ones breaks my heart and I so badly crave weekends home with the folks, and the longer I'm away, the more I miss them and desire them to be near. Who knows when I'll end back in Chicago, I am sure someday, but until then I just have to be thankful for all the technology I have at my fingertips to keep me in close contact with everyone and be grateful for the ongoing love and support they give me!

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

I started a blog at the beginning of 2010 in hopes to reconnect/stay connected with loved ones from back home (and I was also fighting insomnia so what better way to kill time at 3am?!). I told people about it at first but then I failed to continue writing on it so I am pretty sure all 4 or 5 people who were actually checking it got tired of the months going by with no word from me. Paul told me that it take 24 days in a row of doing the same thing to form a habit, so a 30 day challenge seems perfect right?

Recently a friend of mine created a blog and I suddenly was inspired to start writing on mine again. I realized how much I enjoyed reading her updates as we don't get to talk much anymore and thought maybe, just maybe she would feel the same about my updates. A few weeks after I started catching up on her life, she started this challenge and it fully inspired me to do it as well. While we may be 3,000 miles apart, at least we could enjoy each others daily topics and maybe the few others who randomly read the blog would as well.

Writing is also something so therapeutic to me and I just don't do it enough. writing in a journal use to be my thing and while I don't think i would use this blog to journal about everything this challenge has defiantly inspired me to continue writing. Now I doubt I will make it back here everyday (my life isn't that exciting) but I defiantly plan to stay more on top of this thing and hope to stay connected with old friends through it!

Thanks Sarah for the inspiration!

day 26- what do you think about your friends

Haha what an odd topic, but I am not feeling creative to change it, so I suppose I will write about my friends. Not that I don't love them all, but that should be a given if they are my friends right? So I guess I will give some details! :)

I use to always want to be surrounded by people so I was "friends" with everyone. Through the years things have changed but have realized who my real friends are and while I may not have an abundance, I believe I have the best friends anyone could ask for.

My Iowa friends...oh I miss them. There are a few good friends from HS that I don't get to talk to you often, but think about all the time. There were 6 of us girls who were super close in HS (A, Sarah, Lindsey, Alli and Steph- and me) We had girls nights even when we were in college. They are wonderful. I can't believe how time has past though and by next year 3 will be married! Lindz is in Africa, A has a great job and is buying her own place (wow!) and I am off living in California. We don't talk much and I unfortunately couldn't make it home for Sarah's wedding but as much as we all change and time passes, I know that these ladies will always have a special place in my heart. They knew everything about me at one point and were always super supportive. They often remind me that they think about me and are proud of me, and though times have changed, I am sure the 6 of us could meet up and have the time of our lives once again!


(Here are a few pictures from the past...but most are on discs/hard drive and I didn't want to pull them off...but these make me smile!)

A and I- what we do best...DANCE! 2004 We have been dancing together since 1988!

in Chicago before I moved 2008

Sarah and me...2003 maybe? LP car wash!

Ali, Sarah, A and me 2003 is my guess

Graduation day 2004

Our last sleep over before we went to College 2004

Chicago Besties. When in college I developed 4 very different relationships that are still so very special to me. First there is Marky. Oh Marky Mark and I met in 2005 when a new dance major friend asked if she could bring her friend from HS over for a pasta dinner/So you think you can dance night. WHEW he was a lot to handle and if you asked me that night if he would be one of my closest friends, I would have laughed. But 5 years later (we just had our 5 yr anniversary last month) I would be lost and hopeless without him! He is my sunshine. Marky knows EVERYTHING about me. We try to talk daily (sometimes a few times a day when we are lucky) even if its just for a brief "I love you" Marky supports me so much and loves me with all of his heart.

The night before I moved to Cali 2008

Thanksgiving 2009

May 2010

Coley is another wonderful human. She is so caring and loving and really teaches me to be patient and understanding. Not only that but Coley makes me laugh so much! She cracks me up. We use to do weekly dinner dates at Ma&i and they even knew our order by heart! My favorite time to talk to Coley is when she is shopping or driving because her random outburst put such a smile on my face. Coley is so good at reminding me that she cares.

2008?

Election night 2008

Beans- oh ALLLLYYY!!!- This girl is HILARIOUS! It is seriously impossible NOT to laugh when with her! Beans and I became super close my last year in Chicago. I am not sure even how it happened but one minute I didn't know her and the next minute I would be lost without her. The girl is talented beyond belief and is a true fighter. A daredevil for sure! She doesn't give up and I totally respect her for that. She reminds me to keep pushing and not lose hope. She also reminds me of what a true friend is. Whenever I am feeling down and homesick I could check out a video or look at photos with Beans and I feel so much better. PS this is just an example of how awesome Beans is. Everyone in our "click" had nicknames but her and so when signing a gift to me for my senior concert they decided to mark her as "Beans" since she loves eating her beans. who would have thought that 2 years later thats all I call her!

Performance Spring 2008

JoHo- now JoHo is a special case. JoHo is a Chicago and Cali friend and thank goodness for that. While we don't live uber close (6.5 hours away) knowing she is in the same state is comforting! JoHo and I are another random match up of friends. We danced in a piece together and overnight we became super close. I even moved into the same condo building a few months later. JoHo was always my go to girl. We went shopping together, watched tv (sex and the city!), ate together, got pedicures, and just hung out! We were never high maintenance friends. The simple act of being in the same room together is enough to entertain. I am super lucky because I get to see her once a month when I go to LA for rehearsals. I stay with her and her amazing husband and while I am in rehearsals most of the time we stay up late gossiping, whispering and giggling!

San Francisco 2009

Driving the day before her wedding day

Wedding day 2009! This was right after the ceremony and we were both a hot mess of tears!

SF 2010

Cali buds: I have made some good friends here in Cali. Lots of dance buddies but the really good friends are between Mo, kegan and Paul. Paul is quickly turning into one of my best friends. I know that sometimes it can be hard to tell a boyfriend how you are feeling in fear that they wont understand but Paul and I can not only read each other, we can tell each other anything and we understand. He is really is not only a great boyfriend but an amazing friend. He for sure makes me laugh all the time, we give each other a hard time, debate well together and always support. We are night and day, summer and winter, ying and yang but its so perfect for both of us.

Date Night on a random Friday

Last dinner with my momma and Godmother in August 2010

Fourth of July

Mo is fantastic. She and I were interns at DG the same time and we were each others support while applying for jobs at DG. We go to Yoga together, she teaches me pilates, we have coffee dates often, we talk boys, life, family and work together. We send each other daily emails (at work) to vent when we need to, gossip if there is some or just keep motivating one another. She is my rock at work and for when I need a really great girlfriend to sit over a hot coffee with and just chat.

Summer 2009

in Wine country 2009

Kegan is my gay husband here in SF. He grounds me. Reminds me when to say no and when to keep pushing. He helps me focus on my goal without killing myself. We can so easily have a good laugh together or a good cry. We are neighbors, co-wos and good friends. He is very big brother and such a safety net. If I were to fall, Kegan would go out of his way to catch me.

Disney Land 2009

In a nut shell, I am a lucky girl. I love my friends with all my heart. I wish I could see them more, talk often and live close to them all, I hope they all know they all hold very special places in my heart!

day 25- what I would find in your bag

Oh my bag... I don’t carry a purse, too small, I carry a big ol bag! I'd take a picture, but I am at work and figure that would create attention that I am blogging and not working, so you just have to visualize :)

Front pocket:
Ipod
Office keys
House/Car Keys
Gum
Chap stick
Lip gloss

Middle Pocket:
Contact case
Deodorant
Powder
Hair spray
Bobby pins
Glasses
Phone charger
Face cleansing cloths

Big Pocket:
Calendar
Notebook with pen
Book
Wallet
Water bottle
Snack (right now its mustard pretzels & a little bag of slat and ground pepper chips)
And usually a change of clothes (dance to pedestrian or vis versa)

Then my Cell phone goes in the the little cell phone pocket on the strap.

day 24- A day in the life of

So I am the first and only person at work right now, realized that I forgot (once again) to write yesterday so I thought I would give a little run down on a day of my life here in California! (PS it is 11am on Friday and let me repeat, I am the ONLY one at work right now!)

I am not a morning person so my first alarm goes off at 7:45 and continues to go off until 8:30 when I FINALLY force myself to open my eyes.

From 8:30-8:45 I play with Gerti. She is always laying right next to me so I pet her and give her some lovin.

I shower and get ready and leave the house at 9:30am.

From 9:30-9:50 I walk down Market street (its kinda like the Michigan Ave in Chicago...runs through the whole city) I always walk 1.5 blocks PAST work to go to Starbucks. (PS I pass about 5 Starbucks and a good 20 coffee shops on my 20 min walk but I must go see Paul!)

I stand in line and make eyes at Paul, get crap from his bosses, chit chat, get my drink and I am off to work by 10am.

I get to the office no later than 10:10am (most days) although Tuesdays we cut all of this and I am in the studio for rehearsal by 9:45am and in the office at 2:30pm.

At work I check messages first thing, then email and then make a To Do list. I actually make a To Do List at the beginning of each week but I revise each morning. Once everyone strolls in (usually by noon) we do check ins and I continue working. At my job I do Print Calendar (events for the month) and advertising for our monthly publication called In Dance, and then I do online calendar, website updates, and outreach. I am starting to work on a new project called "Emerging Leaders" and I will be lecturing at local colleges and universities and then we will be picking 2 "Emerging Leaders" from each school for a 6 month program we will run at Dancers' Group to help college seniors prepare for a career in dance. I am really excited about it. I do membership when Jorge isn't in, and help Kegan with our Programs (2nd sundays, ONSITE, Dance Discourse Project etc)I would say I wear many hats at Dancers' Group. I am one of the only ones (besides Kegan) who is cross trained in every job (besides bookkeeping and only 1/2 of Fiscal Sponsorship). While sometimes it can get stressful I love being able to help in each "department!" If you are interested check out our website, dancersgroup.org. If you go to http://www.dancersgroup.org/programs_onsite.php you will find the ONSITE page. I designed this page and all the sub pages for it! I am really proud of it and love that I know how to design and edit html.

anyway back to my day... I usually eat lunch around 2 and take a break from staring at my computer.

I try to leave work by 5:30 and 2-3 times a week I walk the 15 min to the Mission to yoga to the People to take an hour and fifteen min yoga class. After yoga I will either head home or go meet up with Paul.

At night I tend to do work for Ledges and Bones Dance Project. Paul and I will cook at least once a week and do laundry. If the Giants are playing then we go watch the game at a bar (neither of us get any tv stations) and when its not freezing we will sit in the back yard with music and just chit chat. Sometimes he will continue work on his crossword puzzle and I will play sudoku. When home you can usually find Gerti on my lap sleeping. Oh and Paul and I are SUPER into Mad Men right now. We are finally on Season 3, almost caught up! It is so amazing. We also get our fill of Weeds, and I watch Project Runway, Top Chef and Lie to me.

Lights are out around midnight if Paul has to work at 6am or if its just me they are out by 2am.

Yep, that is about it! An average day of mine, I saved you from reading when rehearsals are crazy and things are non-stop. This day of explanation is minus the cra cra part!

day 23- something you crave for a lot

This one is easy!

I crave (often):
1.Coffee/espresso
2.Ice Cream
3.Mexican food
4 Hamburger and French Fries

If I had to pick a number one craving it would be Coffee drinks (I LOVE them!) but really all are cravings I have often (and fill often!)

day 22- what makes you different from everyone else

I take pride in the fact that I am different. I rarely am a follower in life and while it actually can be challenging to not follow the tides of what society refers to as "normal" or "acceptable" I really enjoy being unique. Growing up in a small town in the Midwest was wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything but I think that there was always a difference with me then others in the town. I wanted to escape, run away- no, but I wanted to travel, to explore, to leave and become myself. Small town living makes it so easy for one to become "so and so's daughter, granddaughter, sibling etc" While I love the people in my life I didn't want to hear "oh your Shellee's Daughter" as much as I wanted to be known for me, as me, for things that I have accomplished. I think escaping the route that could have been given to me would have been fine, but I think I am different for being young and accomplished and not because I know someone but because I worked my way up to get to where I am. Its also funny living in such a culturally diverse city like SF really actually makes me super different here. My upbringing in a very white community in the midwest makes me super different here. AND my accent defiantly makes me stand out! :)

its funny too, I am so different in simple things like what I wear. A perfect example, when I was in LA over the weekend, we as a group couldn't go to a handful of clubs to go dancing because I wasn't wearing the proper dress code. seriously! Two of the things that couldn't be worn were 1.white t-shirts and 2. flip flops well guess what I had to wear that night? A mens white t-shirt, roll up jeans, and flip flops! Everyone I was out with were in skin tight clothes, high heals and looking ready to go out...I SO don't fit that and while some may feel out of sorts by being the "black sheep," I kinda enjoy it.

Now this is not to say that I don't follow some trends, and by no means do I go out of my way to purposely march to the beat of my own drum, but I am not afraid to say what I feel, respond honestly (even if I am all alone on my opinions) and be 100% true to myself.

day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy

Who would have thought, I mean really, that the thing that makes me so happy is a cat?! I use to HATE cats. I was so allergic to them that I could not even be in a house that had a cat. The cat could be in a totally different room, they could vacuum and clean but I would still be super super sick from them. But now I own a cat and she makes me so incredibly happy.

The thing that always annoyed me with cats is that they are loners. I love dogs because they NEED you and they let you know that. I always thought cats though were obnoxious because they were so self efficient and just did their own thing. I was incredibly lucky though because I have a cat dog, she needs me just like a dog needs its owner.

I am sure I have shared this story before but the brief story is that I met Gerti (at the time her name was Tudy, which was very fitting since she was a stinky smelly kitty and farted all the time!) at the animal outreach at the Ferry Building Farmers Market one Saturday in Aug when my mom was in town visiting. I love animals so even though there were no dogs, just cats I wanted to go over and give some attention to them. There was a really tiny kitty sitting up in the same cage as Gerti. Gerti had her back to me and was sleeping so I was trying to get the tiny kitties attention. She wasn't really too interested though so I moved on. As soon as I walked away Gerti turned around and started meowing. She put her paw up to the cage door and was so clearly wanting me to come back. As soon as I came back she started purring like nothing I had ever heard. The woman so graciously took Gerti out of the cage. I couldn't hold her but they let me pet her and she was giving me kisses and so sweet. I fell in love. So that afternoon I went to the shelter and bought her.

I had never owned a cat and didn't have the first clue on how to take care of a cat, but my mom bought her for me and I brought her home. A month and a half after getting her I got crazy injured and really struggled with it. The only thing, honestly that helped brighten my days and make me feel better was Gerti. Talking about her puts a smile on my face. I get so excited to go home because I know as soon as I open the door she will be there to greet me and say hello! She Cuddles with me every night, is super playful, gives me kisses and makes each day that much better. I love her so much. She is the best gift I have ever received, seriously! I honestly think she saved me from going into depression when I couldn't dance because I broke my ribs. She is so much a part of me I couldn't imagine life without her.

6 months old- Dec 2009 This is one of my favorite pictures of her, I call it her Model shot!

I honestly woke up one morning and we were cuddling like this!

Helping make some dinner :) Aug 2010

Most recent picture of her and me together!
Aug 2010- she is 1 year 3 months in this picture

Playing "peak a boo" and getting kisses on the nose (her specialty)

day 20- someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future

I don't think this is a good topic for me. I have always been kinda the disbeliever of marriage. Not that its not right for some and not that I will never get married, but its not a dream to be married. With all the issues with Prop 8 and seeing my good friends being denied marriage because they are gay just angers me and why should I be able to get married when people I love so much are told no. I know its a silly fight, but I don't really think I should get married if everyone isn't able to. (and yes, I know some states have changed, GO IOWA, but its not nation wide and the fight is on going) Its funny, a lot of my friends here and in the midwest want to get married, have thought about marriage and fantasized about their wedding day, or are married. I am so happy for all of them, but I on the other hand have barley been able to wrap my mind around being in a relationship! Dating in general has always given me the fear that it will take away from my art, my career and well, me! I think I am too selfish for it, I like me and me time and I like to do what I want.

With that said, yes I am actually in a relationship right now. I like it. I've met his family, he has met some of mine and we are going strong. It's funny we are such opposites that he has actually admitted to fantasizing about his wedding day and here I am with really no thoughts of "the big day."

I suppose if I were to characterize a future husband (or Partner as I think I would prefer to say) he would maintain some of these qualities:
-Smart
-Passionate
-Unique
-the ability to make me laugh
-caring
-understanding of my art and passionate about his own future
-has goals
- Family oriented (not with kids in mind at this point, but family like is close to his parents, grandparents, siblings etc)

umm yeah, that seems about right. I am sure there are plenty more (cause I am needy!) But that seems like a good start!

who knows where the future will take me, but I am willing to go on the ride. Marriage? who's to say, I do know it is not for me in the near future, I like being in my 20's with no major plan but to dance my way through! I will follow where the passion is though.

day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them

I know I know I am behind, again! I was in LA this weekend for rehearsals and there was just no time, and I was so so tired last night and sore that I couldn't even get my computer out. I can't believe I am typing right now to be honest, I am sore down to the finger tips! Anyway on to the subject!


I don't have a ton of nicknames here in SF, but I have family and past nicknames that I will share!

"Stinky" my mom has called me stinky since I can remember. I love it!

"Shae Shae" my whole family has called me this for forever. And I love it because Paul started calling me this without even knowing that is my family nickname!

"Shazie" I don't get called this near as much but always did in High school

"Shae Bay Bay" my college friends call me this, I love it.

day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have

Is it totally cheesy of me to say that I am living the dream? Cause to be honest, I really feel like I am. I live in San Francisco and while I miss my friends and family SO much, I love living in California. My whole life is revolved around Dance, which really is a dream come true. I am performing, working and living the life I always wanted for myself! And the cherry on top is that I finally found someone who lets me be the crazy, poor, overworking, over organized, control freak that I am and cares for me still! With that said, of course I have plans and goals to further the dream...I first started to categorize between "goal" and "plan" but to be honest, if I have a goal then its my plan to make it happen, so to me, they are hand in hand....

Basically in the next year I would absolutely LOVE to move to a salaried position at my job. I don't know if this will happen as the only two people who are salaried/ have benefits are our ED and Programing Director, but I have expressed the interest to move to 40 hour salaried position and I think, especially recently, I have proved worthy of it. This would be financially great for me, artistically challenging but I'm always up for a challenge right? My hope is that this change/promotion could happen in the next 6 months. I would finish my contract with one company in the spring and not resign and only dance for the bi-city company, Ledges and Bones Dance Project. While of course I am a dancer/performer and don't want to lose that self, I really feel that the world of Arts Admin is a world for me. I am a great networker and really find I have a strength in it. Many say you can't be a great administrator and dancer, but I am here to prove that theory wrong and by moving further up at DG and continuing to train and perform as a dancer is going to happen!

On a non work related plan, I hope to bring Paul to the wonderful Midwest this winter. Neither one of us are racking in the dough so its challenging and lets face it, if we have money to spend on vaca going to a warm relaxing place, like say, Mexico, kinda sounds more appealing then the snowy midwest winter, BUT I really feel like it is important to bring him home to my roots! :) (it also could scare him off if its too cold...have to be smart in this planning!). Isn't it crazy that him and I could do an all inclusive 4 days in Mexico for about the same price (if not less than) what we will spend on airfare back to Chicago, crazy!

My co-wos and I are planning/hoping for another weekend getaway, last year we went to Disney Land, so much fun, this year we talked about the same trip but have also talked about a long weekend to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, how awesome would that be!

I guess if I had to insert a dream here, it would be to have enough money to do all the traveling I wanted to do and not have to worry about it...but non-profit arts doesn't allow for that! So yes, I am foolish I do have a dream, to have enough money to not have to travel when I want and to be able to pay all my bills with no problem...but money doesn't buy happiness does it? So I suppose being broke and doing what I love will have to do :)

day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

I never really thought about this before... I read Sarah's blog about this and she has a good point, For real, what a tease to only get to spend ONE day in the switch. It just doesn't seem long enough really experience much of anything if its only 24 hours worth of time. So I have two thoughts on what I would like for one day. Now this isn't me really SWITCHING lives with anyone but experiencing two things I have never before (one realistic and one not).

The not realistic "switch," I would LOVE to spend a day in the 1940's. Not that I would really want to experience WWII but there is something about it that fascinates me. The women were beautiful, men handsome, people went out dancing (not grinding and slutty but really fun and free), men escorted the ladies, the world wasn't corrupted the same way it is now (Not that I think there wasn't corruption, but not like today)...i don't know its silly but I would love it! I always ask my grandparents about that time of their lives, when they were closer to my age what it was like, I love the stories. I wouldn't want to go back to that time for good, I love my technology, my freedom/power of being a woman, being able to go out in sweats, no makeup and messy hair and be fine (I mean I live in SF, no one cares!) but for a day I think it would be fun to experience that time.

Now the more realistic "switch" that I have never done but always have wanted to, I would love to stay in bed all day with my significant other. Not because we are sick and have to stay in bed all day, but because we don't have anywhere else we have to be so we can spend the day laying in bed, watching movies, reading, talking, relaxing, and just being together with no agenda. If Paul and I were to ever have the ability to do this, food (and coffee!) would of course be in order but once we got food to go back and just lay around all day together would be amazing. Even when I don't have to work or be somewhere I have a hard time not getting up and going, Paul is the same way (maybe even worse then me!) I think in my life i have watched too many chick flicks and have always wanted that romance where you can just lay together in bed all day. I put this in the "switch" topic because it would be so out of character for me to do it that it would feel like a switch in lives for a day and I defiantly wouldn't see myself doing that for more than one day! What would make it even better would be to be back in the winter snowy weather and stay in bed all day. In California it gets cold and rainy and you want to stay inside, but that's such a different feel from the winter wonderland (which Paul has NEVER experienced!) I use to love the snowy, cold nights in Chicago and laying in my apartment in warm clothes with a hot drink in hand watching movies and relaxing because it was just too cold to go out, I would love to share that for a day with Paul.

Both "switches" seem pretty silly, I realize, but they are both curiosities I have. And while the going back in time wont happen, maybe, just maybe I will someday lay in bed all day and do nothing! (Imagine me without an agenda!)

An Added addition to my Tuesday

I just got home from work and before going home I stopped at Safeway (the grocery store) near my house. Now this is a stupid thing to do, go to the grocery store, on a week night when EVERYONE is getting off of work and going home, especially because it is the grocery store for a good 4 neighborhoods, so its always packed. But I've been fighting a headache so I wanted to go get a coke and I was out of juice so I wanted to get that as well. After waiting in line for about 15/20 minutes I realized I am super dumb and should have just gone to the liquor store by my house, but I didn't.

Anyway, while waiting in line there was a very friendly gay man a few people back and was clearly tired of waiting in the silent line so he started talking about how he always choses the wrong line and I chimed in telling him me too! Then he started talking to the teenage girl behind me. They got on the topic of school subjects she liked and didn't like. The guy talked about how much he had hated math and science and I once again chimed in and said "me too! Thats why I became an artist." The Young girl looked up at me with big eyes in aw saying "you're an artist? what kind?" I told her I was a modern dancer and she just was star struck (in a way that you can be star struck without knowing the person!). She said "I don't know the first thing about dancing but I think its amazing." It put a smile to my face. The chatty guy behind her leans over and said "ya must be pretty good to get paid to dance. Good for you!"

I never view it that way, but I have to say, my tired self (I had a 4 hour rehearsal today before I went to the office to work for 4 hours) fighting a headache, with achy feet/muscles, and all stinky and gross from the day really appreciated these two people in line at safeway. I don't ever need any high recognition for being a dancer. I don't do it to satisfy others, it satisfies me. And so often I feel people view my dancing as a hobby vs an actual career, but to have this man make the comment about being good in order to get paid for it, kinda was nice to hear!

Anyway, a silly little story to share, but it put a smile on my face and what better place to share then here!

day 16- another picture of yourself

Did ya'all know that I am notorious for posing like statues? Cause I am! These are 3 of the most recent ones. The first two are in wine country, and no I didn't have too much wine! The last one is in Hayes Valley in SF after a yummy french breakfast! All photos were taken in Aug 2010

day 15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

These are random...I guess the point huh?

1. You Were Meant for Me- Jewel

2. Born To Hand Jive- Grease

3. Oh Very Young- Cat Stevens

4. Clarity- John Mayer

5. Fools Fall in Love- B.J Crosby

6. I've got my Love to Keep my Warm- Bette Midler

7. Merry Christmas Darling- The Carpenters

8. Staple it Together- Jack Johnson

9. Two Fine People- Cat Stevens

10. Dancing through Life- WICKED

day 14- a picture of you and your family

Of course with me one picture turns into one too many! I thought I would reminisce and go back to Europe with my family. It was one of the best vacations I have ever had and I was so lucky to have it! We took a family portrait in every city we were in, I can't wait to go back, enjoy!

Rome, Italy

Florance, Italy

Pisa, Italy

Cannes, France

Barcelona, Spain

Gibraltar

Morocco, Africa

Cadiz, Spain

Lisbon, Portugal

Vigo, Spain

Paris, France

London, England

Home Sweet Home Chicago